I know your birthday is coming soon and i cant seem to get you out of my mind. I miss you so much and i love you ... like i said im hoping you google yourself one day and find these so you know how much i think about you. I hope you don't have a replacement daddy by now. Your not supposed to but im glad your mother is taking care of you. I know she is a good mother to you and she cares about you very much, but i do to and i dont have alot of hope in my life right now but you are the light i keep looking for in my heart. I have wanted to leave this world because of the empty feelings i get in my heart. And my relationship with you is the only thing that will ever fill it.. One time your mom said if anything ever happened to you or someone took you from her they might as well take her too because she could not stand it. Well thats what has happened to me and im trying to be strong and praying everyday that hearts will change. we all make mistakes in our lives and as long as the lord forgives us that is what matters. The world can be a cruel place and i hope you never have to experience that. I hate that im not there everyday like i used to be to take you to school and pick you up ... do you remember that? I hope you remember me in a good way. I have had some health problems and the doctors gave me medicine that nearly destroyed me when i tried to get off of it.. well i still have some health problems but the other problems have gone away. I dream of seeing you and hugging you. Maybe when you get old enough we can get together and live our lives closer i know it will never make up for me not being there now but alot of that is not my fault. I want you to email me at mysonmax@hotmail.com and let me know how you are. Im sure pretty soon that the school with let you use the computers in the library and maybe just maybe you will get these messages. Im so sad without you. Money is the root of all evil and i know its a necessity to live in this day and age. but i used to make good money and if i had a bundle of it i would send it to you for every thing you need and to help your mom. but i want to see you.. and i want to talk to you. the last time i talked to your mom she said you were fine without me well im not fine without you.. i love you and your the only reason i have any hope in this world... i love you baby bear and i wish i could be there for your eleventh birthday and i wish i had the money to get you something really nice. but if i send something there is not guarantee you would get it. if i had alot of friends in the world i would send them all to the house and they could let you know my love for you and give you gifts... then certain people would not be able to hide my attempts to contact you. you would get my letters. and cards..if you contact me and you have a cell phone give me the number i will call you.
Love your Daddy
Tim
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